What is My Therapist Thinking?

Therapist Thoughts

Do you ever wonder what your therapist is thinking? What is behind that note pad, pen, and concerned look? There is a lot more than processing, analyzing, and theory application that goes on in a therapist’s mind during a session! After reading “If I was your Therapist” (http://loveandlifetoolbox.com/if-i-was-your-therapist/) by Lisa Brookes Kift, LMFT, I decided to add a few more to the list to share just what goes on in the minds of therapists!

We are often humbled …

We are always very humbled by the practices of the families we see. Many families or parents come in thinking there are doing a terrible job, or that their family is so dysfunctional, but that is certainly not the case, or the whole story. We see many families that, despite some of their challenges, do or practice some amazing things. No matter who is sitting in the office, there is always one positive thing we learn from them, that we try to practice more of ourselves.

We are emotionally touched…

Many people come in to therapy thinking that their therapist is annoyed by their thoughts or that the therapist is bored, but this is quite the misconception. As therapist, we are truly touched by your stories, and so much so that we are often left feeling a bit emotional. We hold back tears, we form sincere smiles, and we feel real pain.

We are rooting for you all the time…

We don’t just think of you in our allotted time in session; we think about you outside of the session as well. Our hopes and concerns travel outside the 50-minute session and into our weeks, as we are rooting for you all the time. And when successes are made, we are ecstatic. Even if it is just a small realization that was had, we are ready to throw up confetti and start dancing, because your progress is always on our mind!

We know your care…

No matter how many damaging things you tell us about yourself or how broken you may feel, we know that deep down inside you are a good person, with the best of intentions, and you care. Despite feelings of inadequacy or immorality, we see you just as you are: human. We know you care, and that is enough for us.

We appreciate your dedication…

Therapy is work, and it is a team effort. The best progress made is when both parties are actively working towards goals, and we notice when our clients are working hard outside of session.

We do not think your stories are weird, and you are not broken…

Therapists are the first people to understand that there is no such thing as normal, and no one is perfect. There is never a point in session where we are shocked or surprised at what we hear. We are all human, and everyone has challenges in life to face. We do, however, feel compassion, understanding, and empathy in what we hear, and that is the truth!

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Vanessa Lemmingnessaer M.A., LMFT 53937
Marital and Family Therapist

© Vanessa Lemminger, M.A. Marriage and Family Therapist LMFT53937, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Vanessa Lemminger, Marriage and Family Therapist LMFT53937 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

This blog (https://vanessalemminger.wordpress.com/) is for informational and educational purposes only. No therapist-client relationship arises. The information provided and any comments or opinions expressed are intended for general discussion and education only, even when based on a hypothetical. They should not be relied upon for ultimate decision-making in any specific case. There is no substitute for consultation with a qualified mental health specialist, or even a physician, who could best evaluate and advice based on a careful, considered evaluation of all pertinent facts. Likewise, it is understood that no guarantee or warranty arises from the information provided or discussed on this (https://vanessalemminger.wordpress.com/) blog.

Dealing with Divorce as an Adult

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The Way They Were: Dealing with Divorce After a Lifetime of Marriage by Brooke Lea Foster

Brooke Foster’s book, The Way They Were: Dealing with Divorce After a Lifetime of Marraige is an essential read for adult children experiencing the pain of parental divorce.  In fact, Foster’s book may be* one of the only books on the experience of adult children of divorce.

Foster’s book explores the loss one experiences in adulthood when they are thrust into the often messy and painful experience of watching their parent’s relationship dissolve, and the expectation of how adult children are supposed to respond.

Foster’s book hits home for many adult children of divorce as she speaks of the “insignificance” many adult children feel.  She calls the book, “a guide to rebuilding relationships and forging ahead.  A place to feel reassured that your pain is real, that you’re allowed to hurt.”

The Way They Were: Dealing with Divorce After a Lifetime of Marriage is a compilation of stories, interviews, and experiences from several individuals who have experienced the pain, anger, and sadness of parental divorce in adulthood, with points to remember at the end of each chapter to summarize the important pieces to take home.

Foster’s book is a great read for those looking for reassurance that the pain they are experiencing is justified.  Her book provides connection and reassurance in the similarities of others experience, without watering down the pain each individual reader is experiencing.  Foster’s book is both therapeutic and educational, while also providing helpful strategies for navigating through the messy emotional process of separation.

The Way They Were: Dealing with Divorce After a Lifetime of Marriage can be found on Amazon.com in the paperback or Kindle version here!

   

   VaneVanessa (16)ssa Lemminger M.A., LMFT
Marital and Family Therapist

  

    


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© Vanessa Lemminger, M.A. Marriage and Family Therapist 53937, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Vanessa Lemminger, Marriage and Family Therapist 53937 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.