Tips for Improved Communication

Tips for Improved Communication

Effective communication is an essential part of every relationship.  Communication is one of the most common factors in relationship conflicts, and is one of the main reasons couple and families seek help.

I wanted to share some great words of wisdom and tips for improved communication from George F. McHendry, Jr., Ph.D., an Assistant Professor of Communication Studies at Creighton University.  You can find more information about his work on his website here.

______________________________________________________________________

For the last decade I have studied and taught courses in Communication and Rhetoric and I am always surprised at how easily people overlook the role communication plays in our lives. While we often speak in clichés like actions speak louder than words, we forget how intimately tied words and actions are. We establish credibility with others, build relationships, and maintain the minutiae of daily life with and through communication. Instead of lamenting that a person or a politician is all rhetoric and no action, take some time to think about how our shared cultural values generate the rhetoric we use and connect to the actions we do and do not take.

These are a few tips and suggestions I often share with my students in an attempt to encourage more careful and mindful communication. While none of them are earth shattering, when I work carefully at using them in my everyday life I can see the quality of the relationships around me improve.

First, the best piece of advice I have ever received about communication came from my mentor. He was fond of saying “Listening is an ethical choice we make.” Hearing as an auditory capacity is not the same as listening. Listening is an intensive activity. Listening requires vulnerability. Listening and willing to be vulnerable to what someone has to say allows us to communicate in a more open environment. We often fail to listen because we allow our predispositions to block communication before it ever begins.

Second, be active in your communication. We often thoughtlessly react to what others say. This begins a negative chain of communication that can be counter-productive. Beyond failing to listen, we utter the first thing we think of and we fail to be active and mindful. If we communicate more creatively and more actively we can avoid reacting to others and damaging relationships with those around us.

Last, don’t get hung up on assuming the intent of the person communicating with you. What I mean is, it is impossible to know for sure what a person intended to mean when they say something to us. When I think of the missteps I make in everyday communication it is often because I assume why someone said something to me, I take offense at them for the purpose behind what they said. In reality, I can never know the intent behind their statement unless they tell me. Try and avoid making assumptions about the meaning of, and purpose behind, someone’s statement and see how it changes the flow of your communication.

These three tips are small but intensive suggestions. Practicing them all the time is difficult and I fail to do so far more often than I would like to admit. However, I find that when I put these tips into practice I am a better communicator. That said these tips are also not a panacea. They will not fix every problem you have.

______________________________________________________________________

 nessa

Vanessa Lemminger M.A., LMFT 53937
Marital and Family Therapist

 

© Vanessa Lemminger, M.A. Marriage and Family Therapist 53937, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Vanessa Lemminger, Marriage and Family Therapist 53937 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

This blog (https://vanessalemminger.wordpress.com/) is for informational and educational purposes only. No therapist-client relationship arises. The information provided and any comments or opinions expressed are intended for general discussion and education only, even when based on a hypothetical. They should not be relied upon for ultimate decision-making in any specific case. There is no substitute for consultation with a qualified mental health specialist, or even a physician, who could best evaluate and advise based on a careful, considered evaluation of all pertinent facts. Likewise, it is understood that no guarantee or warranty arises from the information provided or discussed on this (https://vanessalemminger.wordpress.com/) blog.

Advertisements

One response

  1. Pingback: Communication Icebreakers for Kids | Vanessa Lemminger, M.A., Marriage and Family Therapist MFC 53937

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s